Emotional intelligence: ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions and to be sensitive to others’ feelings
Success depends on EQ (emotional intelligence quota)
How well do you understand and manage your emotions?
Daneil Goleman coined the term emotional intelligence to describe a person’s ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, while also paying attention to the feelings of others. The extent to which one possesses emotional intelligence influences one’s success in emotional communication.
Rise in blood pressure
Increase in adrenaline
Elevated blood sugar level
Slowing of digestion
When we experience strong emotions, many bodily changes occur. Such changes can occur in the mind and throughout the body, offering a clue to your emotions.
Hard to determine the exact emotion
Nonverbal behavior can cause emotions, rather than reverse
Connection between verbalizing emotions and nonverbal reactions
Emotions are often apparent from observable physiological changes, but it can be hard to pinpoint what emotion is being felt. Though can be reactions to emotions, they can also cause emotions and are connected to our verbal messages.
The mind impacts how we feel
Bodily components of most emotions are similar so experience of emotions come from labels and interpretations
Reappraisal: rethinking meaning of events to alter emotional impact
The mind plays an important role in determining how we feel, and the labels that accompany our cognitive interpretations help us to understand our physical symptoms. Rethinking the meaning of emotionally charged events can change their emotional impact.
Sometimes words necessary to express emotions
We use specific emotion words to represent degrees of intensity
Words are sometimes necessary for expressing feelings, and since we experience different emotions with different degrees of intensity we use different words to describe them.
Powerful force, but doesn’t have to govern communication satisfaction
Shy people can communicate comfortably and effectively online
Science has established an increasingly clear relationship between personality and the way people experience and communicate emotions. Although a powerful force, personality does not necessarily determine communication satisfaction as people who are shy can actually feel comfortable communicating in online spaces.
Same events generate different feelings in different culture
Ethnicity impacts how others express emotional states and appropriate rules for expressing emotions
Individualistic-collectivistic dynamics impact behavior within in-groups and towards out-groups
Although people around the world experience the same emotions, the same events can generate very different feelings depending on how culture influences the expression of emotion and individualistic versus collectivistic dynamics.
Gender roles shape way men and women experience and express emotions
Some truth to cultural stereotype of inexpressive male and demonstrative female
Men and women experience same emotions, but differ how they are read and expressed
Gender roles are influenced by societal expectations. Men and women are often stereotyped and, though they experience the same emotions, often differ in how they are able to express those emotions and how others react to them.
Social Conventions and Roles
Unwritten rules of communication discourage direct expressions of most emotions
Reluctance to threaten “face” of others
Emotion labor: situations in which managing and suppressing emotions is appropriate and necessary
Capacity to recognize and act on certain emotions decreases without practice
The United States has its own unwritten rules about communicating that involve how to appropriately express emotion, how to save face with other people, and the amount of effort used to manage and suppress emotions. When communicators fail to practice emotional labor, their ability to recognize and act on emotions in certain ways becomes less effective.
Express more emotions online than in person
Can encourage outbursts and tirades
Can feed emotional responses
Both senders and receivers experience emotions more intensely online
Communicators generally express more emotion online than they do in person, but online communication can actually encourage emotional responses because more intense emotions are often experienced online.
Process by which emotions are transferred from one person to another
Can occur quickly with little or no verbal communication
Can you recall a time when you “caught” someone’s emotions?
Emotional contagion explains how emotions can actually spread quickly because it can move from person to person with as little as zero verbal communication.
Expressing Emotions Effectively
People who know how to share feelings are healthier
People who overexpress can also suffer
Key is to learn to express emotions constructively
Sharing emotions improves relationships
Research supports the value in expressing emotions, suggesting that sharing of feelings can be healthy to a certain extent. Communicators that learn how to constructively express their emotions can then improve their relationships and avoid suffering from overexpression.
Expressing Emotions Effectively
Recognize your feelings
Be aware of your feelings and able to identify emotions
Monitor physiological changes and nonverbal behaviors
Recognize thoughts and verbal messages sent to others
Communicators found that some people are much more aware of their own emotional states, and they can use that awareness to make important decisions and monitor changes in the thoughts they are having and in how they feel.
Expressing Emotions Effectively
Choose the best language
Many suffer from impoverished emotional vocabularies
Share multiple feelings
Common to experience several emotions at the same time
Most people struggle to effectively describe how they are feeling, but it is important to consider the emotional content of one’s messages because making clear how one is feeling can improve emotional expression. In addition, it is useful to consider that more than one emotion can be felt at a time and thus should be appropriately shared.
Expressing Emotions Effectively
Recognize the difference between feeling and acting
Don’t fear that getting in touch with emotions will cause a disastrous course of action
Accept responsibility for your feelings
Use “I” language
Choose the best time and place to express your emotions
Getting in touch with certain emotions will help to decide now best to act, because acting on every emotion is not always useful. Communicators should also acknowledge that they are responsible for how they are feeling, and carefully choosing when and where to express emotion is also important to effectively dealing with emotion.
Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions
Contributes to effective functioning
Certain amount of anger/irritation can be constructive when improving unsatisfying conditions
A little bit of nervousness can boost performance
Hinder or prevent effective performance
Rumination: recurrent thoughts not demanded by the immediate environment
Not all emotions are beneficial. While some emotions do help by doing things such as boost job performance, they often prevent people from being effective in those types of situations and can actually extend the amount of time that someone feels the emotion.
Thoughts Cause Feelings
Rational-emotive approach: change feelings by changing unproductive interpretations
It’s not events that cause emotions, but beliefs held about events
Interpretations of events determine feelings
Activating Event Thought or Belief Consequences
Being called names “I’ve done something wrong.” Hurt, upset
Using the rational-emotive approach emphasizes changing unproductive interpretations of emotion, which changes how one feels. This is useful because the beliefs we have about things are what cause and determine feelings.
Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions
Fallacy of perfection
Fallacy of approval
Fallacy of should
Fallacy of overgeneralization
Fallacy of causation
Fallacy of helplessness
Fallacy of catastrophic expectations
Many irrational thoughts (called fallacies) lead to illogical conclusions, which turn into debilitating feelings that we are not always aware of.
Minimizing Debilitative Emotions
Monitor your emotional reactions
Note the activating event
Types of individuals
Topics of conversation
Record your self-talk
Dispute your irrational beliefs
Change your self-talk
Putting the rational-emotive and self-talk processes into action help to cut down on self-defeating thinking, so conscientiously practicing these tips helps to shift emotional behaviors.
Maximizing Facilitative Emotions
Enjoy and savor positive emotional experiences
Regard challenging situations as opportunities for growth
Focus on what you gained, not on what you lost
Choose compassion over contempt
Fostering positive emotions is just as important as minimizing negative ones, as positive thoughts can cause positive feelings. Following these steps will help a communicator to develop and express more pleasurable emotions.
Watch the Gary Iman Video “Emotional Messages” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJNkJmo-acE&feature=youtu.be and answer the following question in 6+ sentences . Listen to Gary Iman’s steps to achieving emotional competence (starts at 3:40). Discuss which steps you would like to implement when dealing with emotions and why.
2.Review slides/section that refers to facilitative and debilitative emotions. Explain the difference between the two types of emotions. How would you turn a “debilitative emotion” to a “facilitative emotion? Write in about 5 sentences or more.
3. Analyze the various factors that influence whether and how you express your emotions. To what extent do you think your responses are primarily based on your personality (nature)? What social and environmental factors (nurture) shape the way you do or don’t expressed emotions? Write in 6 sentences or more.
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